Okay, serious question. How do I keep squirrels off my bird feeder?

I tried chicken wire, metal poles, hot pepper, fake owls, pie plates, ';squirrel proof'; feeders (HA!), and more.Okay, serious question. How do I keep squirrels off my bird feeder?
They're going to get in there, but you might as well have some fun with them. Put speakers out there, and find a CD that has a big boom at the beginning of one of the tracks. Play it loud when they're out there. Install some sort of electric fun that you can activate at your will.Okay, serious question. How do I keep squirrels off my bird feeder?
I'm with woodchuck girl. This sounds like a sexual problem to me.
Where is your bird feeder?





If it is hanging on it's own pole, put a empty, upside-down two-litre pop bottle on the pole halfway up. They did this at work, and it worked! Well, until those smarty-pants squirrels started climbing a nearby tree and jumping over to the pole (landing ON the bottle!)...but then they moved the pole further away, and now the squirrels cannot get to the feeder! Success!
you have absolutely no chance of beating the squirrels, they are genius when it comes to problem solving and I have seen documentaries where they can beat any trap or obstacle after only a few tries at it...If they want whats in the feeder, they will get it.. just don't resort to shooting them with a bb gun or anything , leave a few extra nuts out for them and let them be !!!
Feed the squirrels. My grandmother used to take disposable pie tins, put birdseed in them, and then pour all of her cooking grease over top. It made a mold she would dump out for the squirrels away from her bird feeder.
lol
Put a plastic dustbin lid over the top of the hanging ones by fixing a hook inside the middle and hanging the feeder on it then hanging the lid where ever you usually do and if it's a bird table cut a hole in the lid and slip it on the centre pole right to the top of the pole but below the table. They cant grip platsic, the squirrels I mean.
is this a sexual question?